As the title suggest this may well not be my most coherent post, apologies in advance. In fact, if properly strung together sentences with double checked spelling and grammar are your thing you might want to back away now.
I may have mentioned before that I have suffered significant periods of insomnia for most of my life, right now is one of those times. Sleep has pissed off and is only showing up in far too short spans. This makes my thoughts floaty and full of pretty colours. It does not make for deep and meaningful ponderings and by 4pm most days I am losing words and phrases.
This is most annoying. It’s also a worry because I truly believe that good sleep is a fundamental human need.
This post is a way for me to pin down the randomness that has been floating around recently – a way for me to address what’s in my head and (hopefully) move on from it. Firstly: to those people banging on about creativity being triggered by boredom…you might be onto something…
Various ideas have been percolating since I read posts from both Imperfect Patience and Virtual Brush Box on journalling and recording your thoughts during this time. What I decided this feels most like to me is grief. I don’t know what I’ve (or we’ve) lost but I definitely feel a gap where there was something. The thought that comes next is that this is pre-grief and what I am really worried about is that things will go back to normal. Normal was crap and I’d really rather not go back to that. I am going to keep thinking about this because I believe that (for me) to work through things I have to actually think about them. Wonderfully coincidently this morning David Cain’s Raptitude newsletter landed and in it he points us towards a philospohical meditation technique via Alain De Botton for just this sort of thing. I haven’t done this yet, but that’s the plan for later today (or tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, or whichever day I awake upon and find myself fully rested again). I don’t meditate, my brain just doesn’t seem to respond to it, but I do like the idea of asking myself specific questions to sort the muffled thoughts into something more readable.
Other guff: some of the seeds I planted in various pots in the garden are germinating. I’m not 100% sure which ones, I didn’t label them. That was 50% laziness and 50% purposeful…I like not knowing, it makes for occasional delightful surprises. My kitchen windowsill cress is weedy and threadbare…but I shall eat it anyway (I will hopefully remember to take a photo beforehand…I am determined to have competitive cress growing become an Olympic sport one day). I have also been watching terrible action films from at least 20 years ago. They have been thoroughly enjoyable but they do NOT age well 🙂
Arty fart is being (slowly) completed and more friends have arrived….